Great date with Damon, but I'm not sure if telling him I like lesbian porn is a good second date discussion.
True story: Just left my solo cup on a cop car. Yesss
yes we were fucking thats why i put "watching a movie" in quotations
he used a semicolon in his bootycall text, of course he's not gonna go down on me.
He's going to regret telling me he doesn't care if i shave or not...
So this 40 year old woman was trying to bring me into the bathroom to blow me and the bartender called the cops on her because she was showing her tits. Only in asbury.
Would it be weird if your parents sold me weed?
Was I asleep on the ride home?
Yea, then when I tried to hold your head up on a turn, you round house punched me in the face.
i refuse to give everyone the satisfaction of seeing the results of my acting on my thoughts
he said "be careful" then handed me a cheezit...
i just got hit on on the bus. Yes sir, because its every boys dream to fuck a forty year old with a face tattoo
Because cocaine and lesbian hookups on a Tuesday cannot be the new normal
Bank just called....we left my debit card in the ATM last night.
I only spent $42 at the bar last night, it's some sort of miracle.
you do remember it was dollar beer night, right?
That answers my next five questions
the people in front of me have a grocery cart in their car... i missed college...
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