8am blowjobs give a whole new meaning to morning breath..
he wanted me to dress up like someone from lord of the rings. I dumped him.
This is drunk me apologizing to sober me in advance.. I am sprry about you're trashed house. Mom an dad will be home by 5 so get up and clean. P.s. Mike is in the closet passed out.
She just tagged pictures of you wrapped in the "above the influence banner" like a toga.
I tried to say goodbye but you were hugging a trash can and I wasn't sure if you had clothes on
Ok if you are accepting my apology, please continue to ignore me. If you are not, please fill out the brief survey that follows, to help me improve my people relations: a) your a bitch please leave me alone b)your crazy pls leave me alone c) I never cared ab u please leave me alone. D) all of the above e) all of the above but I wouldn't mind still fucking u. F) who are you again? Your answer will not b shared and will b used in accord. With the law. TY
we were at work and Infront of the whole bar you yelled. "JAKE I WANNA GET FUCKED TONIGHT!" Us day drinking > everyone else
he just sat there, in the doorway of my dorm room, chuggin a fifth like nobodys buisness.. don't know whether to fuck him or be afraid of his confidence
IT'S A FUCKING GIANT POKEBALL MAD OUT OF TINY ROSES
I just ate cottage cheese and went to the gym at 6 this morning...the things i'll do because I might get naked in front of a new boy
Don't go to sleep yet I need your Mexican roots. Can you come make guacamole
And thanks! There are perks to polyamory. And birthday orgies are one of them
I just want to sit in my tub, drugged out of my mind, and watch the green lantern cartoon while the world as we know it ceases to exist outside my bathroom door, Okay? Is that REALLY too much to ask?
It was like a single vaginal boat in a sea of one eyed monsters
Double high-fived his wife and her sister on the way out. If I'm not the best mistress ever tell me how.
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