i'm sleeping with myself tonight because i remember my name and i won't regret it in the morning. sorry.
so on my way home this naked dude runs right in front me his weiner at half mast screaming i'm only doing this cause its a 50 dollar dare
I found out he doesn't have a facebook, twitter, or myspace. So, I'm going to actually go to his house to spy on him.
I just recorded courtney puking and set it as my ringtone.
just bought a 30 and sold it for $2 a can to some dumb ass high school kids. now lets buy two and get really drunk
Well, I'm eating cake, watching wedding videos of people I don't know, and crying. Clearly I'm a vision of mental health today
i was so fucked up i thought i was at home depot
I don't think I'm emotionally ready for this blow job.
DONT YOU DARE DIE YET THERE IS SO MUCH SEX TO BE HAD
I want him for more than banging and buying me potato salad. Is this what love feels like?
He came over apologized for his lack of sexual skills. Cleaned my kitchen cooked me dinner. And gave me another one minute stand. I think im okay with this
I was figuring I'd break up with her after work, but before Taco Tuesday
He turned down head in favor of a handjob. Not sure if he's crazy or i have magic hands
Just so u know, "come here buckey" has no effect on ur cat, but "hey fucker you wanna get high or what?" will cause him to run from the other room knocking shit over. We smoked outta the gravity bong, then he went and ate.
Pornhub is actually a very wholesome website
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