i just realized that the oil change sticker on my windshield is a day before the last time i had sex. I've driven exactly 10500 miles since.
you need to get laid.. and an oil change.
New major. Tourism Management. I dont know what it is but it sounds like something all the stupid slutty failed business management majors do.
Keep in mind that he's 43, unemployed and living with his parents. There's really not much we could do to make his life worse.
Just woke up to find myself cooking eggs on the imaginary stove in my room.
We made the bar tender tell us how he proposed to his girlfriend. In detail. While we made gushing noises. We are embarrassments to females everywhere
No, I am not setting up my roomba to clean up puke.
in line at jewel. the cashier is puking in a garbage can while ringing up customers. glad to know im not the only one that 2012 is kicking in the face already.
He's going to let me keep his bowl in my car. Does that make us Facebook official?
there's no way I could forget finding someone else's hand in my pants
My fake id got more birthday sex than I've had in my life.
She showed up ready for sex all night.. with waters and a meat and cheese tray
I'm fucking sick of guys. I think I'm going to date myself. No drama. And I know I'll always put out.
Not really how I planned to achieve immortality, but I'll take it.
You date? I thought you just hooked up with your TAs
thanks for letting me have sex in your bed, too bad you didn't get to yet
who are you?
Randomize
