8th day he invented the big mac, 9th he invented pop rocks, 10th day boobs.
I'm jammin out to some Brit Birt, she's still my bitch, I love her crazy ass
Is it weird for a girl to post pictures of her dildo no facebook?
i need to find a birthday card for her that tells her how happy i am that i can now legally bang her
What part of "you pissed in the tent" do you not understand?
I had to call maintenance to come unclog the toilet.
Something to remember me by.
She washed lettuce and peppers in the shower and proceeded to make a salad
i dodnt think we hooked up bcause he actually texted me the next day
The arresting officer told me "you probably get this a lot, but you look like anthony kiedis".
He left his phone. Turns out he;s been sexting with some girls who can't spell. Time to break out the herpes scare.
Friends don't let friends put redi whip in their wine
The name of the man in your bed is not Ryan. I can't remember what his name is but that is wrong
So basically he is jobless, a potential serial killer, and has poor taste in music? We simply don't have time for that.
HE PEED ON ME. THE MANAGER OF THE BAR.
Do you know who changed all my phone contacts into characters from Harry Potter?
He Who Must Not Be Named.
Fuck you.
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