i just caught my roommate coming out of the bathroom half naked with a surge protector. he told me he didn't wanna talk about it.
Most guys don't get turned on by "skinny, gangly legged girl with glasses laying in bed touching herself." You better start working on your diction if you're gonna keep up the sexting.
champagne bombs. Yes, i think that is where things may have gotten out of control.
those are the first brownies ive had since i was 13 that didnt have weed in them.
She gave me a blow job and her mom gave me blueberry muffin afterwards. I love them.
You owe me $8 for the carwash I needed after you threw the salmon on my windshield.
he fell down during beer pong and the chick told him to rub the sand out of his pussy and suck it up. i am in love
This whole bra on the outside of my shirt thing is so convenient. It turns my shirt into a pocket to eat Fritos out of. Mmm boobies
Just got a blowjob from a coed in exchange for saving her an iPhone 5 when I get them in stock. Sometimes it's awesome to be a Verizon employee.
Also, nothing screams "don't talk to me because I'm unstable" like walking around eating cookie dough out of the package.
If you get home and there is an older woman there, its my mom. She wants to come and see the place after work. Just an FYI. Not the older sluts I bang.
Why did this happen to me why did I have to meet him if I could go back in time I never would have grabbed his dick
But seriously. What possible excuse could I come up with to ditch my parents on Christmas to go fuck him?
I told two kids in their homecoming outfits to use a condom because of Ebola. I may have saved a life last night
I just sat watching friends in the bathtub by candlelight...nights like this make me wonder if I ever want to be in a relationship again
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