My doc was like ur only supposed to have 6 sexual partners..thats just one semester at college
I'm not giving my ex her earrings back. If some chick i hated gave me brownies i would still eat them. It's the same thing.
If I don't have herpes this will be the single greatest day of my life
If it's not soft enough to fuck on, then we're not getting the new rug.
Dude. Cab ride home consisted of me making out with an Asian girl sitting next to my Dad
Just made a PowerPoint called "Reasons Why You Should Fuck Me" at his request. The sad thing is we've had sex before...
I've decided that my night was probably over when I started eating the penne vodka with my hands.
Was there a condom involved? Because he was saying he wanted a kid. Repeatedly.
I feel badly that he has cancer, but this does not mean I am obligated to have sex with him. Again.
She's licking the whiskey out of the carpet. I think we may be soulmates.
and yet oddly the jello shots tasted better coming up than going down
DONT TELL ME I CANT HAVE AN ENTIRE BOTTLE OF VODKA AT DINNER. IM AN ADULT. I PAY BILLS.
All I want for my birthday to be fingered and eat pizza
This is the worst drive ever. Im hungry, hungover, i gotta shit so bad, and the only radio station im getting clearly is playing alvin and the chipmunks christmas songs
I don’t want to brag, but vows, morals and will power are no match for my blow job skills
Randomize
