we're at the bar and some girl dropped a bottle of burnettes strawberry vodka out of her purse and it broke.
i mean, if that's not class, then i don't know what is
plan parent hood is for high school, im at the abortion clinic, so college.
Is it weird I want to fuck the cartoon chick from e-surance??
Tell me why Im cashing out of Walmart with Smirnoff and catfood
we just fucked in the mcds parking lot
wasnt he a virgin
yes we got celebratory milkshakes after
Dude, I just cut my asshole on the new toilet paper. If you rationed the grocery money to buy drugs, I better be getting some.
i'm drinking with a bunch of phds, i feel very stupid but good about my drinking abilities
how the hell did u puke all over the magazines... do u still want me to keep them
So, remember how that one doctor said it was 1 in a million that I'd get pregnant...
Yeeah thank god
Well..welcome to parenting Mr. one in a million.
The new google images is a smorgasbord of porn now are plans for tonight are off.
also, I just found three random bruises on my knee. probably from when I was velcrod to the stairs
you made sure you came back for your bottle of vodka but didn't remember to take your shoes
Well we did eat French fries lady-and-the-tramp style last night...
I'm honestly just saving all my liver's power for when I die this weekend. that's how it works right
Just think how much she’ll hate me when she finds out I fucked her father
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