How wet are you?
Ever heard of a U-boat?
We got drunk before dinner. People at the other tables were praying for us.
We walked in and found his glass coffee table broken and you in the bathroom throwing up saying "What a bad first impression."
Your scrotum should have touched every square inch of that place by now. Start with the water fountain.
I don't really want to explain to you right now but i just ate laundry detergent
i had to wake up at 4 am to do my laundry because I was afraid if I saw people in the laundry room they would judge me by the amount of clothes I had covered in vomit from syllabus week
Oh just chilling alone with a stranger baby while everyone else clambakes the bathroom. Probation is the reason there is bad things in the world.
Just watched a guy ride a bike off his roof into his pool. On my way to the liquor store, picking you up in 20
the mexican frat downstairs started singing this mariachi song, then out of nowhere some dude busts out a trumpet and plays along. is this even real?
I like dinosaurs. I like penises. It's kind of a win win
Like how hard is it to come up to me with chocolate and wine and say "hey, you're beautiful. Wanna marathon Doctor Who in sweatpants?" Hell yes!
Just when I thought I was growing up, I go out and TOTALLY REDEEM MYSELF
It was like sex on an active volcano surrounded by the night sky and bloodhounds. And by that I mean it was nice.
Well, I'll handle this like I always do. Black the fuck out, make out with randoms, give out my number like candy. You know. Standard operating procedure
we started drinking at 4pm, somehows its 1 am im in bathing suit running from the cops.....any explanation of what happened?
Randomize
