mustard is like jesus in yellow tights
Just found my girlfriend's stash of animated Japanese porn
And to think, I actually considered breaking up with her
You were eating microwaved pad thai out of a solo cup with a pair of scissors....
More importantly, he hasn't caught an STD yet. I mean I'd say it's luck, but at this point it has to be skill.
Running into your random closeted hookup from last night is really awkward when you have to sit next to him and his girlfriend in a 200 person class.
We could all 3 jump out of a cake in just tophats. A true marble cake.
My vagina was just really confused why you weren't inside it
Wow it must be so difficult to be as popular as you are and smoke as much weed as you do
Nothing quite like walking through a spider web on your way back in from smoking to fuck up a perfectly good high.
New vibrator arrived today.
How was it?
Who are these wee mortals we call men?
I'm sorry I tried to stab you. I just really wanted those mozerella sticks.
If my emotions are below a 3 or above a 7, I'm crying
my god I love twenty year old dicks
im gonna shove his purity ring down his throat
Pretty sure that I just proved those labels that say "non-flammable" wrong. totally unrelated, We just made your futon fly with a shitload of fireworks
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