maybe i would like her more if 99% of her sentences didn't start with "yesterday when i was reading twilight..."
i can't believe he got me to come over to him by waving a natty light at me.
She made me put my jeans under her mattress so that I wouldn't leave in the morning while she was still sleeping. Apparently I just look like "that guy".
his fiance had made him a calendar of pictures of her. he asked if he should take it down and i said no. i wanted her to watch.
i get of class at 4. it takes me 17 minutes to walk home and 3 to load a bowl. thank you, priority registration.
In line at the grocery store. The girl ahead of me is in a wetsuit and just bought 3 cases of beer and a bottle of vodka. I want to go where she's going...
It was right before we played jenga with champagne glasses for a good half hour
The yoga party turned into an underwear party because we are all incompetent when it comes to tying bed sheets.
This has been a Party Success Story
You forget how awesome toilet paper is until you have to wipe your ass with a piece of notebook paper...
For context, I was hiding under the pong table mooing at everyone by that point.
I'm smoking a bowl with matches and a candle while my mother washes dishes downstairs. I thought adulthood was supposed to be different.
Nothing brings compassion from a group of cafe workers like walking in and asking if they have a 'hangover special'
It gave me the St Patrick's Day nickname Slutty McShitfaced. I've never felt so understood.
Remembering you have vodka in the freezer gives the same surge of happiness as finding 20 bucks in a coat pocket.
when i woke up with rugburns on the tops of my feet, knees, and chin i was a little confused. and then i remembered i had sex with him in his friends walk in closet.
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