Who were the five players on the alien team from space jam?
If God's watching us, we might as well be entertaining
I am at a striph cluv. They are ovealls everywhere. I have hot rock botto.
She was that classic mixture between "Hell no" and "Why the fuck not."
Don't be offended. I can't even stand sleeping next to my dildo after I'm done, let alone a whole person.
This is how we made chicken soup last night: Whole chicken in a pot of vodka with a box of crackers and some carrots. We should go pro.
I can feel myself smiling like 10 minutes after I stop smiling, and that's just like... so awesome.
I went home with a guy last night because he showed me some magic tricks and kept shouting "THEY'RE ILLUSIONS MICHAEL!"
I almost died today via plastic wrap. I AM THE REASON THEY PUT WARNING LABELS ON THINGS.
You're the only person not starstruck by him
Yes. That tends to happen after you regularly lick someone's balls.
Halloween: the only night of the year wheee the more high I get, the more it compliments my makeup and outfit.
NO HE PUT HIS HAND IN HIS PANTS BEFORE HE TOUCHED THE BONG.
ILLEGAL
Do exhausted, barely concealed hand jobs count as joining the mile high club?
How are you and the lady friend?
Well, she's a lunatic, and I love sex, so we're good.
We were talking about kinky shit, and I suggested a hand job in church.
How'd that go over?
Praise the lord and pass the lotion.
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