youre so sexy i want your bod
dude, did you turn gay?
heather?
this is jacob
How long do you need to date somebody until it is acceptable to fart in their presence?
The real question is how long do you need to date them to dutch oven them?
somehow you got everyone naked by playing strip rock paper scissors.
honestly, i'm just crying in the kitchen naked and eating salsa
I don't really know how to say this, but I have an oven mitt to return to you tomorrow..
That kid i sell weed to just had his mom give him a ride over here she waited in the car while he bought a bag
My mom just told me my dad shaves his pubes while drunk and I don't know how to feel anymore.
Okay well we need to be adults. We're gonna end up with diabetes or some shit.
You were drunk it couldn't have been that bad
I've never been drunk enough to enjoy getting a blister on my dick.
Yes but funny for a 45 year old hell bent on reliving her college days by giving body shots and hand jobs. Not necessarily in that order
I have woke up on a strange couch, in a strange house, on another campus. Can you Friend-Find me and pick me up?
She's astronaut crazy. She will wear Depends and drive 12 hrs non-stop if you swipe right.
Challenge accepted
At one point I was counting his nipple hairs to calm myself down.
Sometimes you gotta do what you gotta do... and then you need to delete the history so you're girlfriend doesn't see it.
Like my mom really needs to know just how non existent my sex life is
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