I guess I just got drunk and ordered a mini fridge off the internet. At least now I know the 200$ that was missing from my checking account wasn't spent on lap dances only.
You could say the cab driver was less than excited when we called his personal cell phone at 4am for directions back to our hotel after having blacked out at the club
I smoked a bowl while he ate me out, you need to change your major to match making asap. You are a guru of love.
Post-shopping-cart-scooter-jousting victory fuck?
Just threw up. It looks like I may have swallowed a cigarette.
I think we've had way too many heart to hearts in the Mc Donalds parking lot for this to be a healthy relationship
more embarrassing than that time i showed up to class in my hoodie and leggings because i over slept, and then as i zipped my hoodie down i realized i didn't sleep with a bra on or a shirt
I didn't realize how drunk I was until my vagina was in the snow.
I forgot that places existed where drinking on Sunday is frowned upon. It's just so unreasonable.
Yeah to go race car driving with a 54 yr old gastroenterologist. I really wish you'd come to have that drink with me Wednesday
My new boobs got me 12 drinks at the concert. Whose the real winner here?
I got the beer and the first aid kit. You get the tequila and burn cream. We should be set for the camping trip.
Also that boy who jizzed in me wearing Cowboy boots and a plaid shirt snapped me at 4 am and said "I owe you a dinner. Sorry"
Remember how we use to say "this will be the year I'll get my shit together!" And like we stopped doing that because we know that isn't happening anytime soon.
I still have that dildo-suction bruise on my forehead and this sweater STILL smells like my Christmas Eve vomit.
Randomize
