After last night I still want u
But please keep that on the DL
After he proceded to violently molest my tits until 9 am i snuck out of his room only to meet his mother downstairs, who informed me she heard the giant sexfest going on in the room next to them.. this was before she called us both "chickenshits".. worst walk of shame ever.
I feel like my whole life has been one big pre-game for Mexico.
he has a puerto rico area code and says his name is johnny cash. extremely suspect
On campus. Grown men in women's sexy bee costumes. Complete with legwarmers. This cannot be real life.
don't pay it forward
I eont pay shit forward. told a stranger to call an abulance and peaced
I told your dad we had a nice lunch and hung out for awhile. It seemed more appropriate than "I had a bite of his canned chili and then we ripped each others clothes off."
He wants me to hook up with his fiance while he watches. Text you later with how it goes.
I asked my boss to leave early for a booty call. She said yes. See.... everyone sees it's important I get laid.
I think I have a bro crush.. When I imagine him, I imagine him waking up to go take a shower and just finding three bitches making out waiting for him. Like that awesome.
You brought string cheese to the strip club
When dealing with embarassing medical issues, don't you want your brother's wife to be the one fishing around up your ass?
Did I just pee in the Taco Bell parking lot?
Yep. But do you remember wiping with my quesadilla?
So I love answering sex questions in intimate relationships class on a clicker when im sitting next to my cousin..
Look idk the rules and regulations of our freindship...but I need you to carry me to my car.
Randomize
