Oh man I wish you'd been in the car w/ me today. I followed a school bus home filled w/ young boys and I flipped them off the entire way. They loved it.
I was so drunk last night i ate cereal with a fork.
I picked her up for our first date on a fucking horse. Of course I got a BJ.
My dora the explorer band aid does not cover up the shame i feel right now
I remember coming home with a cat... I havent seen it all day. Shit.
I'm not really made for random hookups.. i'm like a swan.. i don't wanna have random swan sex. i just wanna have one swan hubby and fly around the world together and eat bread that people throw at us..
We hotboxed his closet and accidentally lit some of his shirts on fire... do we have a fire extinguisher?
Apparently I still called the officer "sir" despite the fact I was at a .21 BAC. Southern girls are raised right
The fact that you got a stranger guy to buy you a pizza off tinder makes me feel amazing
We went camping and met these lesbians and now I have S'mores where there shouldn't be S'mores.
I don't WANT a sex disease! Especially one assigned to me by my supervisor..
Remember the time you puked your contact lens out?
He can't say no, it's my spiritual goddamn quest.
walked into my room this morning clutching two empty bottles of sminoff to find my roommate's ultra conservative parents staring at my posters of naked men. fuck parents weekend.
how does that bad decision feel?
Randomize
