I hate you but I'm not in hate with you
I had a fork in my beer hand and just stabbed my tongue.
I think she would actually eat a penis if anyone was brave enough to let one near her mouth
hahaha! you have a girlfriend
tell that to the new girl at work who i screwed on the washing machine today...
better yet, through the bookshelves. like an intellectual glory hole
No shame. Just smoked a bowl with a Norwegian. Feels like something to cross off a list.
I feel like a need a fire hose to wash off what I did last night
Just saw a porn entitled "Nad Biter". Redheads are now forever out of the picture.
Why i have shady connections. Owner just txt me asking to come by and judge the new stripper.
I didnt say frisky time, just alone time, to chat, or watch a show, or stare into one anothers eyes, or souls, or asses, whatever you straight people do
Some chick asked if she could eat me because I'm dressed as a taco. I introduced her to RJ. Best Wingman.
I used a jello pudding cup as a shot chaser last night. I'm the Bill Cosby of alcoholics
We need a fire pit. Meat. And a keg.I mean like a cow we just carve from. And cook it. We can use the milk from the udder to make White Russians
Is it okay that we fucked on my car hood, in his driveway, at 4 am with cars passing by ?
day drinking didnt prepare me for this..
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