He slapped my ass and hummed the jello theme song, which was followed by an overly loud "IT'S ALIVE!"
you made me watch la bamba, and then you yelled at me for disrespecting your mexican heritage.
i think the bruises are from the grocery store. on separate occasions. i've been spending a lot of time drunk at the market lately.
i have a vague recollection of being in the parking deck around 4 this morning, and on monday morning i was naked on the roof.
that would mean it's on tape
I knew it was time to leave Waffle House when you started singing "What's Your Fantasy" to your hash browns.
downstairs . braiding the drunk passed out girls hair, she will thank us In the morning
You know that joke about taking tylenol pm and jerking off? you don't always win. sometimes you wake up in the morning naked lubed up cock in hand to the realator and would be perspective buyers laughing at you
I am way too attached to fictional lesbians.
Drank a beer through my butt, how's your initiation going?
I should make a collage of all the pictures of me caught doing slutty things
Another beautiful Sunday, another beautiful day the stick is not positive. Amen.
I feel like the dump I just dropped is the most successful thing I've done so far today.
I drove them away with my sparkling personality and LOTR references.
If you break up with me one more time it's over.
You let the ASEXUAL teach sex Ed?!
I just folded my laundry and I washed 3 pairs of underwear and 6 jizz towels. Clearly I'm quarantining right.
Randomize
