Call me when you're up
Great dream, you were in it
Whatever it was. it was pregnant.
I feel like Captain Blackout doesn't do her justice. Brigadier General Blackout is much better.
u were so high that u chewed on candle wax for an hour
Hey cutie is the game almost over? I'm making dinner for us it'll be ready soon. Xox
You would rather make fucking dinner than watch a hockey game that rivals the epic-ness of miracle, the one of the biggest upsets in sport history? Babe I don't know if I can date a girl with such terrible priorities.
im not 100% but im pretty sure at some point i was rubbing ur bf's beard telling him how magnificient i thought it was
I don't think going to Relay for Life and painting our faces while everyone stares at us is a sufficent late night after the bars.
who am I kidding I don't have any dignity. Plus we're not doing a porno, we're just doing random things naked
At what point during this road trip should I let them know I've been drinking in the backseat the whole time and can't take my turn driving?
Why can't it ever be the normal ones that stalk me?
I'm in Starbucks carrying the boxes wine and the hubcap. So many judging looks.
We are there now. They have a giant cock and balls with an eagles face and wings.
I had sex on a sidewalk in downtown Chicago... I don't think I have anymore morals to lose.
There are flour footprints all over the house. Either u guys are trying to pull that Paranormal Activity shit on me again, or u got drunk and tried to make pancakes.
Yeah I knew you'd like him. He's emotionally and physically self destructive.
We would have so much to talk about!
Randomize
