My first STD was from a foam party
I've decided to bang my pen-pal.
the real housewives reunion is on...i wanna see if danielle can look any more surprised than the facelift allows
i wanna see dina punch her face back to normal
Walk of Shame time yet?
Dude she's 6"2, blonde and on the cheerleading team. I look like Seth Rogen's fatter, unfunny brother. What shame am I supposed to be feeling?
I just ran up four flights of stairs in heels, im getting an orgasm tonite.
I came home to the cats covered in paint and he was asleep in the tub with a firefighters hat on.
New justification for blow: drug week; 'how it's made'
it went ok. then he slept in a parking lot and took me out for a picnic the next day. boys are confusing.
Just saw a drunk bitch in the west village peeing on a car. You are not alone.
I lost half a toenail and didn't realize it. Bloody shoe shoulda been a clue.
He said the pain stops when I get my shit together and stop being a drugged out alcoholic mess. Could have just said no.
I think were only still together so we can make each other miserable
Do you ever get a cramp in like, ONE labia?
I just spent 100$ at a sex shop to make myself feel better. And I signed you up to win 200$ so if you win, it's mine. And yes I'm serious.
I'm reading the Hobbit in my blanket fort alone with a bottle of wine... all I need is dungeons and dragons to complete this superfecta of awesome
Randomize
