Farted during a conference call.SBD. permeated the room people were gonna puke.noone could say anything or leave cus we were on the phone with clients. coworkers were outraged.how I still have a job is beyond me.
Remind me to tell you about the dream where im a fighting a super hero whose only weakness is sunkist.
she must of just birthed a child cause her labia touched the floor
fuck off i hope your children turn out to be republicans
I woke up with fried rice in my sweatshirt pocket came downstairs and found all the chicken in the fridge gone. I'm THAT roommate aren't I?
Let's face it. We both have sexy parts. Why not have them touch?!
i can't believe i brushed your teeth last night. so drunk.
He took out the lube and started calling it fuck fluid
Thats not how it works. You get the Rachel, and then Rachel kicks you out. Don't linger or try to cuddle, its just pathetic and makes me look down on you and your penis
it's just weird to think of you as a teacher since ive seen you throw up raspberry bacardi in my parents house
Remember that cop that blew me in the parking lot a few weeks ago? He's possibly with his wife and kids shopping at Target.
Yo whoever left a thong on the dining room table, first of all get help second of all please remove it now
It makes me so happy that my local liquor store has a black lab that is there every day. Really tho - it makes the higher prices excusable.
If I'm not there when the plane leaves, I didn't make it through security. See you at home! Vegas bitches!!!
Like he legitimately was standing straight up, feet on the roof, not holding on to a moving car.
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