I brought my laptop into the bathroom so I can facebook while vomiting. New low?
Dude ur right that IS what a vagina looks like!
Do everybody a favor and GET LAID MORE.
She pointed at me and told her friend, I'm going to fuck him, its going to be really loud, so yes, i need the whole basement.
i caught the condom in my mouth.. dont ask me how
The woman at the nail salon waxing my lip just showed me the strip with all the hair on it while smirking. Apparenltly 'you have a stache' can be communicated through a language barrier.
Out of beer. Salsa pong. Never again.
I feel like if Miami and New Jersey fucked each other and produced a baby that would summarize the bar I'm in.
You don't know how badly I want to just hold you as a soup spoon holds a bisque
You were definitely drunk. You gave him an otphj in front of everyone.
Will you bring a case of beer down to the hot tub? Me and Phil don't want to feel feelings anymore
We knew it was an interesting night when we found my thong wrapped around a chocolate chip muffin in the fridge.
I just tripped over a but plug that was on the floor. It's 430 in the morning
I hear jingle bells and I can't tell if it's bc I'm feeling festive or just REALLY high
Should I be concerned that he called me mom when I got in bed on top of him?
Want to help me interview candidates to replace my Cub/Boy Toy when he leaves for grad school next month?
Randomize
