If I die today, promise to let the world know I partied.... oh god did I party
i just remembered that i beat off next to you while we were naked and passed out next to each other after last night... No Homo
Still drunk and leading the team through the 9am sales meeting. I'm pretty sure this is why there aren't more 26year-olds in management.
Just crushed a xanax into my chewing gum. Its gonna be a long, fucking up flight...
He came on my chin and called me cumbledore. i give up.
I walked down to the adult beverage store and got two bottles of jim beam and s shooter of crwon black label because we didn't have any Tylenol
Fuck that must be a crazy sunburn.
You swear the intervention is for her? I've fallen for that one twice.
TINY HANDS NOT FOR BUTTHOLES
This is going everywhere on the internet.
It's all good. Going back to my room to try and air out my balls.
Just had an orgasim to the Star Spangled Banner so.. it was all worth it.
Our breakfast options are microwave popcorn, wavy lays and fireball
Taking body shots off hot Camren. Get here now.
I need a job that does not involve working with people who wear animal costumes when they get fucked.
I bought him flowers and fake vampire fangs, cuz there's really not a greeting card that says "Sorry I got wasted last night and started a very sloppy bloodletting ritual.".
Every time I see this chick she's swimming naked at a pool party. That's gotta mean something right?
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