Just mADE A PArabola og urine
we fucked to don't stop believing. most epic sex EVER.
Sometimes I wonder how different my life would be if I didn't share a weekly margarita with my mom since i was 12
Somewhere during foreplay he said something about me only being with two other guys... I just went with it cause we have never had that conversation...
Woke up this morning with my period. Saw a commercial for the beginning of Shark Week. I see what you did there, Mother Nature. My pad's off to you.
The real reason I can't work: it's Tuesday. I get stoned and watch Buck Rodgers on Tuesday.
I ran into cvs barefoot with my belt undone and shirt buttoned wrong and didn't even have to ask. The guy working pointed and said "they're back there."
That's how I look going for the pbr.
I just realized my new apartment is at the corner of Patrick Henry and Mary Jane.
Give me weed or give me death?
Wait. We seriously played strip beer pong at the bar last night. Who said I never came up with good ideas
And thanks! There are perks to polyamory. And birthday orgies are one of them
Alternately I could tell him western classical is just a series of events that had to happen for music to reach the point where Beyoncé was able to pen drunk in love, which is the pinnacle of humanity's artistic achievement thus far
We need a rematch, I think my pussy was on vacation the other night.
you walked into the party, and all you had on was your left sock... literally.
Vagina status: the swelling is going down.
If it were up to me his wife would never get his penis again, but I guess they have some sort of arrangement
Yes, an arrangement called marriage
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