he's chasing his jose cuervo with hot tub water
she needs to go suck a dildo, because she isn't worth a dick
I had to fart so bad so i let it go hoping it would be quiet, it was loud and shit came out!!! and i couldnt leave because her parents were behind me
you were carrying a trash bag around insisting it was your purse. I'll let you guess how your night went
votre penis est TRES GRAND. i used vous because your penis is SO big
whatever. i don't care. i just want to be drunk wrapped in an american flag.
He asked if I smoke and I said "only fools like you on the basketball court!" Then I started crying. I think I'm about to have my period.
I just learned my tits were fire resistant. I should join the freakin circus
Great sex, the promise of us mixing our excellent genetics in the future, and access to drugs are mainly what's holding this relationship together at the moment
I just made a drug deal 100% through snap chat
Definitely the only person to buy 2 handles a 2 bottles of champagne & 3 thirties while wearing a fanny pack
I knocked over his glass and he yelled "Oh no the boxed wine!" and slurped it off the coffee table. Then he showed me how to mix maple syrup, Jameson, and coffee. My family is better than your family.
I just ordered a five person drink for myself.... Right about now you should start saving me from myself....
Well Jon got a DUI sleeping in the back seat so I thought the trunk was safer. BUT WHO CARES WHY JUSE PLEASE COME LET ME OUT!
Step 1 was make out with him. so now we just need to come up with step 2.
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