haha omg you stole $185 from a passed out drunk indian on your porch and called the ambulance??
savin' lives aint cheap
my drunk step mom just informed me my dad likes reverse cowgirl. Please god kill me.
New discovery: doing the Helen Keller is not as attractive as I thought it would be, in reference to the sex noises.
you threw up in someones recycling bin and left a note apologizing. how drunk do you think you were?!
you literally pushed me forward in the seat so you could puke behind my back without the cabbie noticing..
Fuck you come back. The old guy next to me is complementing me on my great choice of ring fingers,
Hey, remember when Hot Stuff played in the back of the ambulance? Or no, cause of your concussion...
I feel like passing out with my foot on your face has bonded us at a very fundamental level.
The last thing I remember was naked hot tub and taking a shot and using the hot tub water as a chaser. Not acceptable.
I didn't want to but I was drunk in a Disney bathroom with her and had a weak moment.
Instead of more alcohol, I decided to drink tea. Lets slow clap it out for me
We're about to play the try not to vom at the president's house game...
Getting robbed by hookers is def a right of passage in a mans life
His Instagram is like a gay porn blog all of the sudden got conquered by the Mormon missionary that he is
THE SUN DOESNT SET TIL 647 YAAAAASSSSSSSSSS. Goodbye seasonal depression hello regular depression
Randomize
