No. You are not the Kate in this relationship. I will do what I want.
I was totally going to sleep with him, until he got naked and started swinging around his boner singing "I'm so hard. oh yeah yeah yeah, I'm so hard" like Rihanna.
Heyyyy darlin are you busy?
Why hello drunk Jake. It's sober Sarah, I'll tell drunk Sarah you booty called. She'll probably be around tomorrow night.
There's nothing worse than waking up naked on the beach covered in sand and a family walking by.
They had an entire room dedicated to passed out people. It was like a dogpile of cross faded toddlers drooling on each other.
Looking forward to meeting the person naked and passed out at my kitchen table.
To be fair, I'm probably one of the better candidates for the role of 'baby daddy' in this town
I have woke up on a strange couch, in a strange house, on another campus. Can you Friend-Find me and pick me up?
this is definitely the first time I've ever had an orgasm and then had potatoes smeared on me within the same hour
She just got on the scale. frowned, got off and took off her pants and then got back on
I started screaming "MY PARENTS ARE MORMON" at a stranger and promptly proceeded to run into a wall. How do you think it went?
Last night I made him sit on my bed and finish my burrito bowl as I chanted "brucey" over and over until he was done like they did in Matilda with the chocolate cake
Well I'm sorry I assumed you were a human and that humans have the capability to forget sometimes.
I just wish the first erections of my life didn't take place at a dentists office but hey whatever I turned out alright
Don't come back. They don't have pants.
Oh god.
God has nothing to do with this.
Randomize
