I am currently prioritizing my hw by splitting into things i can and things i cant do drunk. Oh college
it went kinda like vodka, childhood memories, screaming/cursing, fist fight, tears, broken shit, passing out. in that order. tis the season.
Hands down the most disgusting picture message ever received. Thank you.
im here for your entertainment
I expect to be treated like a lady. Even If your sticking it in my ass.
Sitting on the curb by new england comics with a weeping drunk girl who's eating french fries saying she'll never be as successful as her sister the hand model. She's scaring the nerds.
is there a reason blood came out of my hair in the shower?
head injury at diner. you headbutted the wall a few times because it got in your way
dude, i warned you that using a card to pay for my hotel room was a bad idea. You deserve the extra $600 in cleaning fees
I had to rip your toilet paper for you...
They are stoned and trying to learn sign language together. It's like watching a chimp waving at itself in a mirror.
Go to hungover. Go directly to hungover. Do not pass go. Do not collect 200 dollars
My TA is here with a sombrero and an entire bottle of Svedka. Skip jury duty.
I can still taste the Jäger. I'm gonna shoot myself.
I fell into a manhole last night, so there's that
all i remember is slapping you in the face with a slice of pizza while laughing maniacally.
He's a wizard, there is no other explanation for how hard I came last night. None.
Randomize
