If she catches me sniffing the seat of her office chair again, she's either going to fire me or fuck me
You know ure stoned when u start thinking about making a bacon smoothie
all he gave me for my birthday was sperm
at least its a homemade gift
Black out sex on the trampoline? yes please.
The gyno asked how many partners i've had... I said ummmm she goes ok then i'll just put down ten.
It's confirmed I did eat a ping pong ball last night...
he got a rim job in the basement.
apparently i was the one who gave it to him.
I woke up this morning next to a stack of saltines & a txt from u saying "do it." it took me a second to remember wat was going on
Ended the weekend putting away 30 nuggets. Training for 100.
Hey wes just called me saying he was asleep outside by the pond at my apt complex
this is why ugly people need low self esteem. it stops them from doing shit like this.
The perfect world is just rainbows and rocknroll and good sex. With the occasional stripper ridIng a horse. I spelled occasionally right?
I'm sitting on the toilet just to avoid my bosses look of disapproval
So i came so hard i almost passed out, where has this vibrator been all my life?
I showered three hours ago and yet feel the need for another one already. This is my day.
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