we were both hunting dick last night. it ended terribly for both of us.
You dropped me off at the wrong girl's house.
There's no such thing as a "wrong girl" make it happen.
alright see you in the morning.
Don't fret. That vag would have consumed a lesser man.
The google font looked peculiar last night, but then up close I realized it was just dry vomit.
I don't know who the girl crying at my kitchen table eating gravy from the KFC container is, but I feel like she could be my soulmate
this is you don't wonder off at 3 am with no pants on. Just stay there and pray to god you don't get arrested for being on school property.
Just had sex in an ice hut. What have you done with your holiday break?
Didn't you used to babysit him?
18 years ago I helped him into his clothes. Today he helped me out of mine.
She came out of my bathroom wearing nothing but high top Converse, a leather jacket and a tongue stud. I love rock bars.
He forehead kissed me AND THEN asked what I was thinking. I'm taking away his man card.
Hey, what's a nice way of saying "Why'd you send me a picture of your boobs last night" without seeming ungrateful?
That moment when you're in a room with 3 guys and know how big their dicks are. Then you are married to the one with the smallest dick.
He looks like a Mormon from a lifetime movie. Oddly I wanna give him a hand job
no, it was more of an i-don't-think-he-even-knows-what-a-clitoris-is, bad.
I'm like a great zombie Jesus.
Randomize
