I play with my boobs when I'm bored. I playwith my nipples whe I'm drunk
i just found a cheeto on my floor and ate it. i might still be drunk.
I took the chef home. His dick even tasted like garlic
They don't exactly give out small business loans to start-up dealers
he's speaking broken english and calling me isaac.. this is not the australian i ordered for a one nighter
Im on my period and I feel like I'm going to die. The only thing that can make this tolerable is for you to eat me out in the shower. Please. I'll do anything.
We'll find out our level of friendship after tonight. You'll be helping me move a body. My body.
I've counted four places at work I need to get laid in. Come help me accomplish this.
Hey, I'm your guy
Reason # 294827284949272 i could never be a cop. I would just shoot. All the time. Ppl. Animals. Inanimate objects. Air.
I need to buy fuckboy repellant for whenever I think it's a good idea to meet boys I found in tinder
He left stubble rash on my thighs and cooked me bacon before 9am. I need to lock this down STAT
I just want you to make me second guess my worth as a human. Is that too much to ask?
So you were shitfaced and stole a fucking kayak?
He came so fast i dont think he got it all the way in. He apologized and gave me his favorite baseball card.
He had a temporary tattoo of Justin Bieber on his dick and I still had sex with him
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