that girl is introducing herself into your group of friends one dick at a time.
I am sitting on the floor by my oven watching my cookie dough blossom. This is a whole new level of fat
i just realized the only form of arm exercise i get is holding my arms up in the stand up tanning booth
He wanted a handjob during a John Wayne movie. I just couldn't find it in my heart to disrespect that man. John Wayne that is.
Threw a lawn chair at the neighboors dog. I think I killed him. Come here and assess this
Should I feel bad that my boyfriend pays for my birth control and his friends get to reap the benefits?
ugh... I can't wait for campus to get back. Then everyone will have other things to try to have sex with besides me.
I'll start choreographing the sperm rain dance now
An open call to all exes! i have a drunk text policy that requires i delete any and all texts after drink 3, however i have reason to believe i have done something stupid. if i have texted you that "I love you", "miss you" and/or conveyed any interest in getting back together with you in the last 24 hours i was belligerent and lying. That is all.
Well... He is a good looking man underneath all the fat and muff.
Withdrawals are gods way of saying "you're still my bitch"
Yeah. I asked if there was a finger in my ass at some point or if I had a weird dream. So far he hasn't responded
It's like the bat signal. He only texts me when I'm naked.
Successfully defrauded the county government. What have you done today?
I don't know what else is in your wedding gift, but I just pulled out a pair of handcuffs in front of her grandmother.
Also a whip and a blindfold. Don't be a bitch, enjoy it!
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