I just made out with a girl with a life jacket on wtf is going on
We lost the cork forthe wine, so we used a tampon as a replacement. I never loves tampons so much
i woke up next to the toilet with a chipped tooth, somebody elses shirt on, and a random guys id in my pocket
He's trying to row the canoe up my front yard like he is Lewis and Clark.
Heard in class today that they replaced our carpet in last years apartment because they couldn't get the smell out, dude we smoked way to much pot last year.
It's hard to take you serious when you're crying your eyes out wearing an adult sized onesie.
They reenacted the scene from the lion king where mufasa talked to simba from the clouds. As high as they were they got it word for word. There has to be an award for that.
Apparently he proposed after he saw me chug vodka out of a traffic cone.
Watermelon juice. Makes everything better. Gin. Wine. EVERYTHING.
We're like a dynamic duo.
Bisexual and Proud, Lesbian and Loud.
I'm not sure I can continue to condone our having sex in all of your friends' beds
GOIN TO BED BEFORE TEQUILA BLEEDS FROM MY EYEBALLS
I think he's holding my wallet hostage because I puked in his car. It's not my fault he has child locks on his windows..
ive decided that just saying "yes" when people assume I am something other than Caucasian will highly benefit my love life. last night I was native.
Just a heads up that Dad just brought home a new Porsche and the sales girl he bought it from.
Umm okay. What are they doing?
They’re in the hot tub
Can I get divorced when I grow up?
Randomize
