i don't know what kind of porn he watches.. but that is NOT how you do it...
No idea how i never noticed that penis before. I wonder if it works
My parents just checked my browsing history and now think I'm addicted to porn and am a necrophiliac. 1: I know it was you. 2: You're so dumped, that shit is sick.
i can't believe i had a foursome before a threesome
I was crying hysterically and you wouldn't stop petting my ear and shushing me every time I tried to say something.
NEW RULE: can't hook up with more than 50% of the groomsmen in wedding party or it becomes wrong kind of weird. NUMBERS GAME.
I can feel my liver begging me to stop.
I want a bunch of melted cheese. or a penis. or a penis covered in melted cheese
Put down the bong. Turn off Hey Arnold. Stop calling me football head.
I love you football head
Was my mother there when I broke the stipper pole?
The fact that he said "there's nothing wrong with being a raging drunk, just ask my mother." has me thinking that I have no positive role-models among my friends.
I'm tired of the topic. I sent him a pic of my vagina to change it.
Nothing like a dick pic from your fave ex to make you audibly exhale sadly.
I just found a piece of dried shredded carrot on my bed
I'm actually on the verge of cancelling a booty call because I have an early meeting tomorrow. If this is what adulthood is going to be like, I'll pass.
Randomize
