I think there's some kind of asian convention downtown. There are thousands and they're all wearing badges and snapping pictures. I feel like I just stepped into your worst nightmare.
There's this guy beside me dancing with this girl with no panties on. When I looked at him he said he's babysitting his bestfriend's girlfriend since he can't come out.
What a good friend
I think I died a long time ago.
just walked into the room and her sister said loudly, "do him, or I will."
This is the kind of period I feel I should name out of respect to the fact I might have just gotten lucky this time.....
Canada just beat USA, the sad part they still need us to make money so who really won
I swear to god I'm going to hunt down and stab the next telemarketer that calls from a blocked number while I'm waiting for my STD results...
it's a little hard to watch the basketball games with my family considering they keep cheering for the guy that i had a one night stand with...
just found out i fit into magnum condums. this is going to be the best weekend ever
I think you're asking the wrong person. You don't understand. Like I would fuck the act of fucking itself if I could.
You made a "martini" bagel. Took a bagel dunked it in vodka and put olives in it
The waitress bought us a round. She said if anyone could do 52 margarita mondays in a row, it was us.
We had fun with our Indiana Jones role-playing until I whipped myself in the dick with my belt.
I am buying anal lube, an enema, and a bag of kit kats. What part of this is compelling the Walgreens woman to tell me to "be well".
I swear if you get so drunk that I have to sing Bohemian Rhapsody to you again to get you to come out of the bathroom I'm leaving you at the bar this time.
Randomize
