every time i drive by the road she lives on, i scream in the car "i'm sorry i'm sleeping with your boyfriend!" makes me feel less whore-y.
DOES ANYONE KNOW THE NINJA TURTLES
You tried to convince her that if she gave you head she'd hear the ocean.....
sometimes when i'm drunk i choose the spanish option on the ATM to challenge myself.
I feel like someone kicked me repeatedly in the ribs. I don't think sex is supposed to do that.
Also what is the name of Americas thing where we had a holy obligation to expand westward? I'm going name my new lighter that.
Btw he dated my mom. You're Eskimo siblings with my mom. Good job.
I'm cleaning my apartment while naked. Anyone who says that's not why they want to live on their own is lying.
I smell like a skunk, but I'm okay with that.
Eating power bars and masterbating... That's kinda my life right now. Is this what having a boyfriend means?
I hate how she's getting mean with age
Meh, you can't hate. That's our basic life goal and you know it.
Nothing says hey I wanna be your friend again like ambushing me with a dick pic
Omg i got really stoned and used a makeup app on my grandma...well, I’m definitely not adopted
Just let a guy I just met eat me out in a shed at a baby shower. May have sunk to a brand new low
I'll be coming off of 7 days of not drinking. No horse tranqs either. I haven't been this sober since I was in the womb
Randomize
