If you were a Panda and I were a Koala and we had a baby, it'd be a falafel. Just think about that.
my computer doesn't work...
why?
i puked on it last night
I slept with some guy because he drew a dinosaur on my arm
she peed. on the sidewalk. it is 2 pm. Help.
And im sorry for wishing your girlfriend gets genital warts.
Get this. Chipped my front tooth taking a sip of a gay mans beer out of my cleavage. Fuck my fucking life. that'll be fun to explain to my dentist
I literally put my pussy on his sideburns, it was awkward
There's a lil minaj in everyone
Had a booty call cancel on me tonight. Said he hurt his back. So this is what single and 30-something is like. Suck.
We can Fuck in the shower to save time
And this is why I like you. You're so damn innovative.
Ps I just used the "If you give a mouse a cookie" defense in a real life situation. Suck it
Some guy just ordered at Cosmo and 2 screwdrivers in the sky club at 8:30 am. I'm starting to feel a lot better about my alcoholism
I tried smoking while wearing a horse mask, it was the worst thing I've ever smelled
Woke up with an entire pizza face down in my bed beside me... untouched. Never beer bong a whole bottle of wine.
he is sitting in the driveway by himself laughing at nothing, idk what to do
my favorite part was when you kept waving @ that guy and insisiting it was your cousin..and it wasnt and wondering why he wasnt waving back lol you were legit PISSED
Randomize
