I hate my date so much right now for even thinking I want to do the electric slide.
dear vagina, thank you for making it so goddamn hard to get pregnant. i love you.
If a cop asks you "Where do you go for fun?", it's not a pick up line...especially if he just pulled you over.
He has a tattoo of a carebear. This is not happening.
he woke up with $200 in his pocket and had to buy his cell phone back from a hobo at the bus stop.
Is there a word for someone who only has sex with NFL prospects?
Im trying to find an appropriate gift to your mom for getting both you and your sister on birth control within a week, any suggestions?
"The juvenile turned and faced the officer, unzipped his pants, placed a fresh cigarette in between his legs and preceded to light it with a match"
Check out this gay circle: I've now hooked up with my ex-boyfriend, my ex's ex-boyfriend, my ex's ex-boyfriend's ex-boyfriend, and most recently my ex's ex-boyfriend's ex-boyfriend's ex-fling.
WHY DO I WANT TO FUCK EVERY GUY THAT BREATHES
I like to play this game where I try to reach orgasm before my bathtub overflows....lost tonight.
Also I owe you 20 bucks, a clean towel and a glass of scotch. I'll even throw in a blow job
all im saying is 27 is too old to still be drinking 40s, you make more money than me, buy some decent shit
screw you you golddigging beer snob
woke up on my floor using my jeans i wore out as a pillow
haha i wouldn't expect any less of you
isnt it crazy how for years we were living our owns lives, and now only a wall seperates us?
stop. eating. my. shrooms.
Randomize