im pretty sure you tried to fart so bad you accidently pissed your pants at my party.
Last night you told her she was rocking the beer gut. Still wondering why you have that black eye?
he had a TATTOO on his FACE. a tattoo on your face basically says "i've gone as far in society as i'd like to."
She tried to wake me up by touching my dick. I kept pretending to be asleep.
Yeaaah, so cabbie laughed at me, and said, "rough nite? Let me find you some music" . apparently OPP is the appropriate ride of shame soundtrack.
So you used a whole package of smoked meat last night. Didn't eat it, just took it out and put it all over the fridge.
Did you ever stop and think that god invented whiskey dick specifically for me
You did this to me with your delicious pizza and moonshine.
I'll forgive you once we're drunk again by noon.
I'm going to fuck every single member of the men's olympic swimming team and no one is going to stop me
omg he is no good in bed, bless his little heart and his big dick
Well i would have gone to the bar but Satan decided to hold his rituals in my uterus.
I was just thrown into the pool and now I'm surrounded by men... You would think this is the dream but I'm just confused
Seriously, though. As long as it's attached to you and is not a vagina, I will not be disappointed.
Pooled our money and rented a bouncy castle for the day. Get over here now. Bring vodka.
Oh well, he'll live. He has a hand and a penis.
Randomize
