I'm not saying he was bad at sex, but I'm pretty sure I anti-climaxed.
Guess who got arrested for public drunkiness, and called jimmy johns for the entire station last night instead of someone to bail me out? The cop that arrested me drove me home. Win.
Just got kicked in the balls by a girl in tap shoes. Fuck EVERYTHING
Ohh man do you know how awkward it is to keep eye contact and have a normal conversation with someone while their hand is in your vagina?
They fucked on my pong table last St. Patty's and broke it. I feel like I should be hiding my new one. Would hate for a tradition to form.
I have a new game. It's called "how weird can you act before a guy won't fuck you". I've deducted most guys are willing even if you're batshit insane.
It takes a special kind of man to fart REALLY loudly right before entering a woman and still get some. This has been a state of bootytown address.
Haha its fine we ask know it. He's still cool thought
Focus on the keyboard man. Focusssss
Oh ya, I forgot to tell you, last night I woke up to the sound of you peeing on the floor next to the fridge, didn't remember until now. Have fun at Dayton!
the texts you sent will act as the rosetta stone for all drunk people
Is it completely inappropriate to base my morning after pill purchase on if they sell coffee or not?
I honestly just wanna put my face in her tits and disappear from this plane of existence
ugh i want to get waxed but I’m afraid. my vagina has had enough trauma this week, i don’t know if I can put her thru any more.
I want to be her friend more than I want to fuck her boyfriend.
I only live four blocks from the bar but when you're hammered this walk feels like the journey through Mordor.
Randomize
