You were wearing a sombrero. And a crown. And told me to use the nerf gun to protect your room from the cat. You don't have a cat.
I just punched cris angel in the balls. I have photos.
then they high fived as they party boyed me. I was a policewoman sandwhich. I love you halloween.
Hey, did you take me to hospital last night?
I'm not sure how appropriate a drug deal is while at a wake.
Woke up in an unfamiliar pair of underwear, running shoes but no socks, and a cowboy hat. Thank you crown royal
Called the cops on a high school party then went in after all the kids ran away and took the rest of the beer. What are you doing tonight?
A guy wearing a shirt that says "eat shit and die motherfucker" just held open a door for me. He's got manners.
Did we almost burn down the bar last night? I guess flaming shots were a bad idea.
Why is there no Netflix category for "I just wanna cry, but I don't have time for a whole romcom"?
You are free to stop by. I promise to keep my penis in my leather pants
He fed me jello shota while i was sitting on the toilet and then he peed in the shower
nobody put me to bed and I ended up peeing on a tree and got written up
Think I was still drunk when I woke up cause I went and bought a mandolin
I didn't mean that as an expression. I'm literally asking if you want to watch Netflix and do nothing.
Randomize
