Are they still out there making out on the couch? How can we get them to leave?
I 'm gonna go stand naked in the kitchen with a knife
No. You are not the Kate in this relationship. I will do what I want.
wow... just woke up to find out that the OJ we used in my bong last night was poured back into the carton
i guess i finally out drove tiger woods this morning..
im contemplating emailing my dad and telling him how worthless i am and how sorry i am that he pays for my life...aka my bar tabs.
Just ate cheeseit crumbs off the floor. i feel like Kirstie Alley.
After doing lines off my chest, she said, "do you even know how fast I could suck your cock right now?!!" and her friend said, "yea she totally could".
I think I'm finally maturing. I'm happy he found someone. Good for him. I sincerely hope she doesn't choke on his tiny penis.
She got stuck in the front door. She never told me how or why.
Yeah well my vagina has expectations too but they don't get met all the time.
I just realized that there are baby oil soaked hand prints on the wall over my bed. Last night was a good night.
Holy high batman
The hairdryer was like a fuckin obstacle course
he came to me for relationship advice and we ended up fucking in my backseat
That's okay I'm failing college because I'm to busy giving over the pant handjobs in class..
I can't wait to see you & have espresso-fueled sex
Randomize
