Running into every girl no one would hook up with here at rick's. Typical.
is it bad that i think of my life in terms of the sims? like when i'm hitting it off with someone, i really wish a plus sign would appear above my head. and when i throw up from drinking way too much, a minus sign.
I would drag my balls through a mile of broken glass to eat pudding out of her anus
went for icecream. accidentally deepthroated it. my mom gave me a dirty look, but the kid behind the counter looked impressed
21st Birthday Idea: liquor store gift registry. Give me a promotion.
I think he's in need of mouth to penis resuscitation. Which I happen to be certified
Hey. Hey you. Just wanted to let you know that I'm adorable. FUCKING ADORABLE. That is all. This update brought to you by our proud sponsor bud light.
No, I know her type. Tall, lanky, uses teeth when giving head, and runs like a giraffe. Don't do it man..
You had your dick do your apologizing for you last night. Apology accepted.
And I just found out I called my debit card a fast food passport so I dont deserve to live
Nobody feels the need to text me back. Men. And I sent myself a message saying nakedness. I'm all the man I need.
He made a deal with his real estate agent called fucking in 50 properties for sale
Will you rub my calves while I masturbate?
Need a Dr's note to excuse me from blowjobs for 3-6 weeks while my jaw heals..
Stop chatting and get in the fucking car. I didn't get my asexual ass out of bed just to watch you flirt and fail with someone you're never going to see again.
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