She was really sick last night--but i was too drunk to bring her chicken noodle soup after the bar, so went by taco bell and got her a chicken burrito instead
Question. Will thrown up fruit loops go down the shower drain?
I still don't understand how I went from crying to blowing you in like two minutes.
I think I'm interested in anyone that recognizes I actually have a pulse
You have my approval. I will dance and throw skittles at your funeral.
I gave the naked guy in the hotel a pop tart. He stopped crying.
He told me to come in and have some water before I drove home, my vagina didn't stand a chance escaping. We didn't even make it to the kitchen.
I like to play this game where I try to reach orgasm before my bathtub overflows....lost tonight.
Ok thats it i need a list. Full names, nicknames, in which frats, with a photo, of all the guys youve hooked up with because three of the same guys is ridiculous
When she introduced her friend to me I shook his hand and told him not to leave his ugly vest at my apartment in the morning. He took it off and bought me a shot.
And you are going to be so turned on by my batman skills later
we will now reference it as "the infamous double dick night"
I'm on my third roll of toilet paper. Today can fuck right off.
Okay, so is being determined to have my vagina licked by a woman on Valentine's day an acceptable goal?
You said "I feel like a koala bear. Do you ever just feel like a koala bear?" This is your brain on drugs.
Randomize
