Spraying perfume on pants makes them clean right?
I can't believe I wasted a google wave invite on her.
just convinced brandon semen are bugs that crawl in your pants and make gooey juice. now hes convinced he has them lmao
Apparently, I woke up in the middle of the night, got up out of bed, dropped trou in the corner, squatted, and pissed on the carpet. When Eric heard, he thought it was the dog and started yelling, and I responded by saying "No no, its okay. It's me."
I hope my tampon is in his bed. That'll teach him. Happy new years btw
You stood outside his house all night throwing your sister's leftover Easter eggs and singing 'now you're just somebody that I used to blow'
Now I'm obligated to stay and cuddle with her because the condom broke. Fuck.
I'm going to give blood tomorrow. Prepare yourself for pictures and a cynical poem about the heart and its level of tangibility.
The great part about clubs is that you can fart everywhere and nobody knows! The bad part is I'm on e and i have nobody to fondle.
My liver appreciates your vow of avoiding matrimony
I pulled you and a keg around in a wagon for like five hours and apparently everyone else remembers it but us.
I think we ended 5-7 relationships as well this weekend...so another good stat
A person can only vomit Fireball so much before they quit it forever
I'm not coming to work today because tequila
Guy in my class today said, "I'm pretty sure you think about beer 95% of the time."
Randomize
