you sent me 45 texts saying "meow?"
did i?
stripped for him at 3am on my childhood playground and used the swing set as a pole.
we managed to turn Dream Phone into a drinking game. don't hate.
Walk-of-shaming home from Brooklyn in a Jesus costume that has "what wouldn't Jesus do" written on the robe.
Okay, lets just agree to keep all cutlery related activities to a minimum.
That's unfortunate. Distance can be a stoner's greatest enemy.
You make it sound like a battle for Middle Earth.
I feel like I just gave a blowjob to a freight train.
I still have a scar from the last time she gave me a handjob. There is NO WAY i'll stick my dick anywhere near her again
I'm at work. It's margarita night. Someone literally just shouted "MURICUH!"
God bless us, everyone.
Are you still going to come over for your post Alcoholics Anonymous beer?
The sad part is that if I don't get a random pic of your balls or ass or both every month, I start to worry that we're not friends anymore
I actually just took 17 pictures of some guy at the gas station that needs to marry me now
That hot shower felt like it washed away all of my problems... Except being pregnant... Ps just found out I'm pregnant. Fuck.
"fuck it, let's do moonshine" shouldn't be in ANYONE'S vocabulary.
poll: am I friendzoned if he just called me brochacha? on one hand, he called me bro, but on the other, he used the a to make it feminine.
Randomize
