My mom says you aren't allowed to eat doritos at my house
You're mentally unstable and I would hate to be you
I need to have sex with someone before he does. I need to win this break up!
It was literally the size of a half eaten tic tac.
I'm partying with my neighbors right now, and by "with my neighbors" I mean they are partying in their backyard and I'm partying in mine, and by "partying" I mean I'm sitting here alone drinking tequila.
I've decided, even as much fun as it sounds, I don't care for his sodomy box.
Does anyone know why "math wizard" is written on my arm?
then you said,"Take this damn cabbage!" although it was actually your shirt. i found you in the elevator of his building.
Do you think if I tell the hot Santa at work that I want a sugar daddy for Christmas that he'll get the hint?
Plus, it's just valuable. Virgin pee is very well-priced.
Who says there aren't gentlemen anymore? My one night stand warmed up my car for me
she genuinely believed that kangaroos are a cross between a deer and a T-rex
THE FASTEST WAY TO MY HEART IS THROUGH FAMILY SIZED BAGS OF GENERIC BRAND CHEESE BALLS
I once took a shot of lighter fluid.. That's not a secret just a fucked up story
I found a loose wire in my thermostat. Couldn't find the pliers, so I used a nipple clamp to fix it.
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