Apparently every Tri-Delt knows what I did and I am blacklisted from ever dating anyone in that house.
Well ya you lied, told her you cared, took her virginity and then broke up with her at Christies Toy Box.
I honestly thought the dildo was a nice parting gift.
Note left in log book: "4:30am a guy was caught masturbating in the bathroom and passed out in his own juices and we had to take the door off the hinges."
You guys are open that late?
I just got wrote up for "repeatedly smelling like alcohol"
That was long passed due.
his cum shot went directly into his bellybutton. felt like i was playin ski ball
she actually told me to ignore the cokeheads in the corner with knives.
I'm pretty sure you called me last night and screamed that she was force-feeding you a bagel.
I just masturbated while eating dinner. Now who's the lazy one
you were upstairs in your room looking out your window and saw him puking in your bushes outside. you then proceeded to open the window and sing Come To My Window
the manly guy you want to date so badly? he's at the club. as a drag queen. wearing higher heels than you own. think about that.
Right now, millions of people are waking up to get ready for work, start their day, and be productive members of society. I just found a 40 stashed in my fridge. I'm getting daybreak drunk. Zero fucks are given.
Isn't being unemployed beautiful sometimes?
All i really remember is meeting this guy dressed as jesus and i kept taking his wine and saying "the body of christ!"
I also woke up in my friends room to 3 girls and a naked boy on the floor but thats besides the point
I just tried to pass the bowl to my dog for 2 minutes before I remembered she isn't human. It is 7:27 am.
So I forgot to ask, how was that bartender you slept with two weeks ago?
Google chlamydia.
I will not go because I am a man of my word and of my penis.
You know you're old when you’re masturbating and you pull your hip
Randomize
