I want to buy you liquor! I want to kiss your face.
It was laundry day and I was wearing last xmas undies. he took one look and went...you's a ho, ho, ho. my response you ask? for less dough, dough, dough. I'm a slut.
with a sacreligious after taste.
holy crap !! There is a MIDGET FAMILY in one of my rooms today !
How much trouble would you get into if you were to stomp down the hallway while loudly saying 'Fe Fi Fo Fum...'
i'm writing my speech about my 4th grade backstreet boy concert experience. that sums up how seriously i take my life.
I feel like I got hit by a truck made out of Jack Daniels.
I JUST WOKE UP ON A TRAIN
I SHUDNT B ON A TRAIN
Eating Doritos is not nearly as enjoyable when I'm not drunkenly feeding them to peacocks.
I didn't know how to tell her I was too busy getting stoned and making a baked potato to meet up and finish our group project.
don't judge, it's breakfast wine Wednesday.
I think being an adult is being able to say no to free shots...I need to work on that.
In 30 minutes I will have been sober for an entire month. Time for a celebratory lap of cheap alcohol that leads to early liver failure.
But happy liver failure. That's what counts.
As a fat white girl from Texas I can honestly say that she gave fat white girls from Texas a bad name.
Well, when you bump into your parents at a swingers meetup, it's time to change cities
I don't know how or when he is sober long enough to donate plasma
also, am i correct in guessing that advertising the size of my hypothetical penis is a turnoff to him?
Randomize
