I just got a 45 minute blow job...she literally sucked the single life outta me.
u sound so gay right now
Pre-game strategy: play thunder by yourself in the shower. Surprisingly, success.
the only sentence i could make out from her was "i will wash these herpes away"
Acid flashbacks - fact or fiction? Have been seeing a surprising amount of sparkly shit this afternoon...
She tried to kill herself by taking a whole packet of panadol. I mean HELLO THAT'S ME EVERY SUNDAY MORNING.
Currently doing my walk of shame down a floating dock. No more guys who live on a boat EVER AGAIN
get ready to load up the weird cannon and blow a load of buck-wildness all over the place people
I still count it as showing your tits. Even though the wall was the only one who saw anything. Your boyfriend was pissed.
If we don't rescue him from the fat chick soon, she is going to eat him alive and suck the marrow from his bones.
Man, you got so high you own goaled yourself in FIFA then got up celebrating.
I told him I'd ride his broomstick if he let me call him Harry Potter and drew a lightning bolt on his forehead.
his mom fetish really needs to stop. this is literally the 5th time i've come home from work and there's been some random skank and her kids in the living room.
did one of the kids use their poo like a crayon on the wall this time?
just so you know. the medical term for period cramps is mettelschmerz.
glad to know something that causes such misery in my life has such a laughable name.
Wanna get drunk and make some bad decisions?
Are you calling me a bad decision?
hey, just so we're clear, next time we go swimming drunk at my house, we have to use the floating chairs instead of my mattress. i'm not sure how to get it out of the pool.
Randomize
