I think I just saw the travelocity gnome in leather chaps.
bro i finally banged her last night on our basement couch
I'm at this frat party right now and yelled "my little 16 year old brother finally lost his virginity." They gave you a standing ovation
Kegger tonight. 10pm. $5 coverfor unlimited booze. Proceeds benefit nuns from Uganda. Bring friends. No shit.
i was congratulating myself on not falling down the stairs when i walked into the wall. it's like one step forward, two steps into the fucking wall
she's drunk at 2 in the afternoon again. at least my mother is predictable.
Passed out mid cig in bed last night. Thank you cough for allowing me legal prescription hydrocodone.
I don't understand why your family and sex lives should EVER overlap.
I'm sure he'll make the rejection quick and completely justified.
Bro, she said my penis was the best thing to happen to her mouth since teeth.
i woke up with 5 inch heels locked on my feet and my car keys missing. this is gonna be an interesting walk home
So what are you going to be for halloween?
A woman sitting on her couch watching Hocus Pocus.
Iron Man just asked me back to his place... Not sure I can handle this. Wish me luck.
I shouldn't have watched rise of the planet of the apes and then gotten high. I'm now convinced that the cats are out to get me.
Did you have a good sleep?
if a good sleep includes waking up cuddling a bottle of wine I had a GREAT sleep
I'm pretty sure she tried to draw a self portrait out of her vomit. Then you tried to help, but passed out in the vomit.
Randomize
