I am stoned and watching Pocahontas. I am letting the kids eat whatever they want. I am the best babysitter in the whole wide world
i just set an alarm for noon. fuck yes winter break.
Shaking her cervix like it's the hottest ticket around
I just undressed him with my eyes. And gave him a 10 inch penis. I hope its true.
One fish gets drugged and suddenly I'm labeled a bad pet owner. This is so unfair.
Someone had written "Boxmonsterette" on the bathroom wall and I just knew you'd been here.
Hey dude this is some next level no homo shit but im gonna get 2 tickets to the opera and go Hail Mary on this one girl. U take the extra ticket if i fail.
I just don't remember. It's like I went to bed on July 3rd.. and woke up on the 5th. Nothing.
Naked snow angels was a very bad idea. My vag is now frozen shut.
I think that all guys are assholes, some of them just have less assholeish qualities that we accept in our lives and that we can look past enough to deal. They have to be a pretty special asshole.
Maybe not Elvis quality pharmaceuticals...But some good stuff
Everyone says she blew me in the bathroom, so I believe it, I just don't REMEMBER.
It's the kind of dick you travel across the country for
After 8 hours of circus trick sex, his parents are both hugging me and kissing me on the cheek asking when I'm coming back over. Score?
When you wanted to give that guy at McDonalds your number you asked the cashier if you could borrow "a pen or just like a straw with his blood on it". He gave you a pen.
Randomize
