My parents showed me my IQ test from fourth grade, I'm shitting on my potential.
Not going out tonight. And so the 25 day drinking streak ends....
It's been 5 months since I last wore a condom.
Not including when spray tanning
Beware of calls from Dad. I just had a longer than I would care to admit convo about the ididarod. Apparently it starts tomorrow.
OH MY GOD MY GRANDMA JUST SHOWED ME HER BOOB OH. MY. GOD.
I'm too hungover to crawl to the fridge so im eating the candy nipple tassels I got bought for Christmas
It's not even like I care. He was cute 30lbs ago and before he fucked that Michael Jackson look alike.
dude, you were feeling up her boob for 20 minutes in front of the guy she was hitting on because you and her had an argument over who had bigger boobs.
hey man, it was for science okay.
She just tricked me into telling her the balance of my 401k... She's like a gold digging jedi mind trick ninja
I'm eating your cookies as payment for having to listen to you. Happy sex
Is it completely inappropriate to base my morning after pill purchase on if they sell coffee or not?
I am at 99 matches in less than 24 hours, I need a tinder rehab program
How long do I have to listen to him talk about the chickens before telling him I just really want to fuck? Note: it's already been twelve minutes.
i look like i'm walk-of-shaming but i'm really showered and re-clothed and rallying. i fool everyone
help. his tongue is stuck. Its not what you think. Hurry.
Randomize
