I hate you, and I hope you have babies soon that you love very much. Then I will steal them and feed them to sharks, and you will be so heart broken that you never want to have any more kids and you'll just hide out in a dark room all day wondering how someone could feed another persons babies to sharks.
if creeping was an olympic sport, i would be a lock for the gold right now.
why is there a sandwich nailed to the wall
I woke up with ten beers in my bag that hoarded at the party last night. Rally? Its five somewhere.
Ok so the guy below me is either having sex very loudly or is very lonely
We need to either drink and not go to waffle house or go to waffle house and not drink. I need to know which is causing these shits.
After she lost the bet I made her get on one knee so she could "Te-blow me"
Dude he's not responding... I'll take that as an unpleasant visit to the clinic
I don't understand why you aren't on this trip all I do is smoke weed drink beer and get fingered
You know what id love more than anything right now? ..a back rub while eating biscuits and gravy
I can see their wedding vows now: 'Til basicness do us part
Shut the fuck up! I can hear you having sex over Pirates of the Caribbean you moaning whore.
I think the pizza guy was in shock..
Well I didn't mean to answer the door only in socks but I mean come on, 4 hours of sex works up an appetite! I WAS RAVENOUS
The party bus is stocked with 5 hour energies and beer and someone handing out adderall. Best. Wedding. Ever.
Wine through a straw in a subway cup.....classy
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