its raining. im dressed as yoda and im trick or treating alone. and i wonder why im still a virgin..
His second form of ID was an emergency room wristband from an hour ago. What the fuck is going on right now
Haha yeah he had an allergic reaction to the alcohol earlier. He thinks that if he only drinks vodka he will be ok...
well. it's seven AM and i'm too high to hula hoop.
The worse part is i sent a text at like three that said i was getting head... Now i have no idea who's mouth has been on my dick
how do you tell someone you stalk them in a non-creepy way
you don't.
basically at this point ill snort whatever you put in front of me and just hope
According to the stories I've heard I decided I was a stuntman after my 6th shot of Jack
Def regretting not writing "will blow for extra credit" on my last final
One huge ass giant mistake followed by celebatory shots and coors lights thats my day in a nut shell
Last time we had a party like that I woke up naked on the pool table with a chalk outline around me and a empty bottle of jager duct taped to my hand.
Yea. I'm excited about this party too
Always wear a seatbelt when giving road head. I think I'm just going to tell people I don't remember how I got the fat lip.
I remember doing shots of gin, then I have this strange memory of us making out in the womens room at waffle house.
I regret none of it.
I just projectile vomited into my kitchen sink. Today need to be over already.
Crying in Target on a display sofa is normal, right? Asking for a friend.
I stole $10 from the guy I hooked up with last night.Not sure why but it was definitely more satisfying.
Randomize
