We walk out of his house and his dad is there, so I had to meet him and shake his hand pretending that same hand hadn't been down his son's pants five minutes earlier
I don't know, but I don't want you to think its ok to show up at my house at 4 am with a gorilla suit and a bucket of pinnapple and think id be ok with it
My boobs grew. They knew we were going to vegas.
woke up this morning in the hall outside of my parents room with a sign taped to myself that said "im sorry"...
The sound guy for the band told me id make a great valentines gift for his bisexual girlfriend
I just feel like a girl who's never eaten a pb&j probably doesn't swallow
Of all the shitty people we associated with, you should be happy that I'm the one fucking your cousin. Sorry.
The realization of how permanent those tattoos really were set in this morning... I am SO sorry.
I feel as though sleeping all day due to the effects of prescription painkillers paid for by union insurance made this the most American day ever for me
We can just chill or day drink or smoke or watch law and order marathon or play just dance 4 or watch a movie or go to the movies or play hide and seek or hug, so many options
I mean seriously, she can have his dick anytime and im over here salivating like a thirsty bitch.
Well, I can now cross "dirty drunk homeless hobo" off of my bucket list of people who have been successful wingmen for me. North Carolina is getting weird.
Just heard a 15 minute program on the radio about how cases of gonorrhea in the throat and rectum are skyrocketing in the US. Almost crashed laughing so hard.
Sorry, who is this??
You ran outside of the party to do the rain dance and swim in puddles
Come over. Bring drugs. My sister is making cookies. She took Valium. They should be badass cookies.
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