2 nights ago she wants to see other people, tonight she wants to have a threesome. The GOOD kind of threesome. So... win?
Aren't I supposed to sit on your face?
They thought we spoke German and French even though we just kept repeating "I give to you a cat" and "Are you drunk?"
You owe me $8 for the carwash I needed after you threw the salmon on my windshield.
I actually took a sword out of your hands. You were samurai slashing lemons to make chasers.
Normally this is when girls give blow jobs. That's how you mentally condition them to put up with PMSing, because they see the shinny blowjob light at the end of the tunnel.
He said and I quote "Had to beat one off in the Burger King bathroom before I went over." Thats somebody that takes pride in his work.
Monday is now my bitch. I just did 20 naked push ups on the bar for $20
According to you, you were with your "Eskimo bro for life" last night.
I think the Predator is hunting me in my house. If I don't text you later, send Danny Glover. I love you all.
also I was promised more toga parties by popular media
1. Everyone on the 1st and 3rd floor heard you. 2. The 3rd floor vibrates when we have sex. 3. The 1st floor can hear the bed squeak.
After I spend a passionate night with my vibrator, I have to awake and face my stuffed animals. Their beady eyes are full of shame and disappointmet. I can't deal with that level of judgement.
OMG OMG OMG I just throwed up in his pillow case when he wentto start the sho wer, time to grab my bra and bounce!!!
Wow.
if I hear Wonderful Christmastime one more time I'm putting my foot up Paul McCartney's ass.
Randomize
