Do you think if I drink bleach they will let me leave work?
The verizon commercial has a magical pinata. Candy just keeps coming out. It must be a portal to a candy universe.
she's basically destroyed all of the faith i had that skinny blond girls could be a functioning part of society.
I was wrong being drunk doesn't make accounting more interesting
I just remember telling jokes while vomitting
Dude also, my grandma got me condoms for easter and kind of winked. I don't know what to think
i think you walked me home, then i felt bad for putting you through the trouble so i walked you home...i'm not sure how i got home after that.
Were taking his cast off tonite. Need a saw and a gameplan. Meet us at rosies in 30.
dude you need a shock collar for some of the things you say when you're drunk.
I've decided I'm going to drink again. More. Day drinking. Night drinking. Everything. It's the responsible thing to do since I'm not pregnant
Is it weird that I want to have sex wearing my glasses and lab coat while having an actual scientific discussion?
What procrastination leads to: I have submitted a third of my job applications this week with a BAC that would get me arrested
How about this: I support you through your miserable marriage, and you support me through all my anonymous sex?
You drink too much. You cuss too much. You have questionable morals. You're everything I've ever wanted in a friend.
how do you tell someone, in the most complimentary way possible, that they would make an excellent stripper?
Randomize
