I'm so over stopping myself from talking about my sexual experiences in front of children.
i was high and broke so i stole a roast chicken and a 40 inch sheet cake from wegmans and ate in a bathroom stall.
i just funneled a beer through a mask n snorkel.. can you check that off my bucket list..
James and whatshisface bought me drunks. I am drinks.
We decided to play beer pong where the loser had to beer bong a pitcher of beer...people just started losing on purpose. It was a bad idea.
I just got my hands on some dry ice. How do you feel about coming home to a mystical wizard toilet?
We were sitting in a hot tub debating how drunk we could get by osmosis if we kept spilling our drinks in it. This is what engineering college does to you.
This morning i put band aids over my nipples bc i was too lazy to put on a bra. Think I've reached a new low.
What procrastination leads to: I have submitted a third of my job applications this week with a BAC that would get me arrested
That's what you get for doing kinky shit with a guy that lives in his moms basement.
I've orgasmed so many times tonight I think I've become enlightened
I just swallowed confetti and motor-boated some guys beard...#happy2015
He asked me if I've ever had my ass ate and there was no polite way to say yeah your brother's pretty in to that 😂 I went with "no"
Yeah everywhere i go i feel like a 3rd or 5th or (2n+1)th wheel. That's right, i'm a mathematically depressed drunk.
Will you PLEASE get your mom to stop telling me I'd make a great husband? She knows I'm gay, right?!
I know, but she really likes you. Have you met my brother yet?
Randomize
