You were wearing a sombrero. And a crown. And told me to use the nerf gun to protect your room from the cat. You don't have a cat.
His mom made me a necklace that i am supposed to wear to prom. She included a note with it, which had a star trek quote. What have I gotten myself into?
Yep, it's a dick on our front door. Intentional?
I couldnt find her vag and just started laughing uncontrollably. She was not pleased. Neither was i.
so when she was in the shower, I took a pic of my dick with her phone and sent it to her brother saying, this just fucked your sister
video games are the ultimate cock blocker
that shit musta been laced I laughed for two hours and everyone looked like penguins
Because you know it would be fucking amazing to get trashed and shatter the dreams of 12 year old girls. I might get a shirt.
She put up a picture of her grandmother on facebook, looks like the lazy eye runs in the family
Excuse me hold on, hooking up with someone who is verified on twitter is like being important.
I put my hydrocodone prescription in my cereal box its like real lucky charms
I was gonna buy a KIA, but then I remembered how awesome the sex was in the back of a Hyundai so I went with that.
I bought new panties to console myself ... you know, because I am going to lose my ovaries. Well, if I don't die of a heart attack first. But at least when the EMS folks find me, I'll be finely dressed from the waist down.
Sometimes you just have to have sex for a Netflix password.
When he was going down on me I referred to him as "Lord Snow" and HE GOT IT. HE GOT THE GAME OF THRONES REFERENCE. I AM IN LOVE
Randomize
