Umm I'm too high to move.
I just watched a guy get turned down by a prostitute
You had a beer at 10:30 this morning?
Ya, I didn't have any Tylenol.
Im making the walk of shame with half a box of pizza, its like when youre little and you get a goodie bag leaving the party
I woke up with someone else's vomit on my ass. That's how I'm doing today.
i totally fed the cab driver fruit salad with my hands while he was driving
Yo I tried to get u stoned for ur dreams by blowing weed smoke in ur face while u slept. Ur welcome.
party gras won. party gras always wins.
An hour ago, you were stranded out of state, and now you're getting laid? You are a god. Whatever you do, don't ask her name.
He knew exactly who I'd slept with after just one look at my crotch. He's like the Sherlock Holmes of cocks.
Apparently he proposed after he saw me chug vodka out of a traffic cone.
My very favorite thing in the whole world is when guys try to booty call her as I'm fucking her. Sucks to suck.
All I'm sayin is that I don't want to raise anything. Or deal with anything. Or having anything come out of my vagina. I mean, I don't think that's asking too much.
anyone can pick a bar fight and pick up a waitress at a bar, not everyone hangout with two wolves. TWO WOLVES.
I feel like I got hit by a car. But a small car, like a Beetle or a Mini or something.
Randomize
