so im in the parking lot of taco bell eating a taco...and some girl just got out of a car and screamed at the top of her lungs "XANEX FOR SALE!!!!" i fucking love Hamilton.
maybe if you didn't yell 'buh duh duh da duh da dats all folks' when you came she wouldn't have left last night
Could a canary swim?
Last time I ever let you pet sit.
We are gonna be 90 years old in wheelchairs at the nursing home sitting at computers poking each other and waiting for the other to die so we will have the last facebook poke.
Put cigar in mouth backwards. Plz remind to check for scar in morning, can't feel it now. Screwdrivers are like morphine.
she asked to have her picture taken with every guy we walked by.
It was honestly the most delicious alcohol I've ever drank, plus the added risk of going blind from methanol poisoning really enhanced the experience.
FYI, your girlfriend is on her way to the ER. She tried to balance a bottle of jack on her chest. Smashed toes, blood all over patio. Call her, kinda funny though.
Someone else needs to become the bad example in our group
But you wear shame so well
You left wolverine marks
I'm somewhere between sorry and proud
YOU MAKE ANAL SEX SOUND LIKE A SPORTING EVENT
Reminder: You could have had sex with me while wearing a tiara.
she's the poster child for how alcoholism can be fun.
I AM NOT LOSING TO SOME FICTIONAL CROSSDRESSER
Secrets from the porn industry: liTERALLY SHOVE A SEA SPONGE UP YOUR VAGINA GO ON DO IT
Randomize
