Def gonna have stinky sex sometime soon. GOT TO! she has eligible friends for you, as well.
i also saw a trio of peacocks walking along a sidewalk in hollywood today. i really hope im not tripping.
I realized tonight the smell of my dirty pads remind me of my grandfather.
I unwillingly was the ball between four hungry hippos last night. I thought the one chick was actually going to eat me
just walked past a group of stoners who were staring open jawed in the spice aisle. tonight they will stumble upon something amazing.
It's like you don't even want to get drunk with me everyday, anymore.
we hotboxed my bathroom. with nine people and two dogs.
There are topless girls riding the lawn flamingos. I win.
We're like Siamese twins, but joined at the genitals.
Bud light lime after 12 shots of vladdy is like frolickin in a meadow of sweet flavor
you just rode your bike home from a one night stand in a stolen skirt with no underwear and you're telling ME to reevaluate life choices?!
Holy shit, did you actually CHOOSE to get hit by the alcohol truck last night?
Maybe I'm not hungover. Maybe I'm actually dying.
Talked a police officer into driving us the 1/2 mile home from the bars because we didn't want to walk. I never knew the back of cop Cars had plastic seats.
Baby Shark came on during sex.
She has BABY SHARK on her sex playlist. Who does that?
Randomize
