I just had unprotected sex with a stranger. but i did him wearing nothing but my pearls. so its classy.
That level of neurosis does not find love outside of Grey's Anatomy.
Just applied online. Cant stop hiccupping. May be drunk. Hope they liked my smiley faces.
God gave me these boobs for a reason other than for people to throw things down them.
Do you think I could put your penis on reserve for tonight or tomorrow night?
I just picked up a hitchhiker so karma will be on our side this weekend. Hahahahahaha
No.
I wasn't an ass in college so much more like I showed my ass a lot especially during serious beerpong games. You know I don't fuck around when it comes to sports.
I told her the party couldn't handle my playlist LAZERBAWLS and I was right. Cops in the basement, orgy in the kitchen, jousting in the living room.
I think the universe has a conglomeration of sentences reserved only for me.
fuck that its my house. if i want to take 1 bite out of the chicken & leave the rest i fucking will. suck my dick
Every time I try to do something productive I end up searching ghost porn.
Like people might wonder why I put up with your puns. You give good head and play with my hair
How ironic... opening your legs for closure.
After 3 parties, all of them busted, and 4 field sobriety tests, I AM the cop whisperer
Pandemic Silver Lining: cheap hotel rates makes it easier to have afternoon fun with my side dick
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