Dude, this chick just tossed my salad hard. All that I could picture was a dog trying to get the last of the peanut butter out of the jar of Jiff and trying not to think of how grotesque my last dump was.
Then she tried to kiss me and I wouldn't and she got pissed off and went to sleep. Then about an hour later, her kid called her. She went home and on the way out I told her to wash her mouth before she kissed her kid good night. Weird night..
It was as awful as eating cow testicles on fear factor and not winning and realizing you ate balls for nothing.
Omg. In the pub, there's a guy shouting at the olympic channel 'yeah! Kill that motherfucker!' we're watching figure skating.
Well I put her head right through the headboard. Thank god the room was under her name.
After we did it I noticed she was wearing the same underwear as last night.
That's why you don't sleep with the same girl two nights in a row man!
i just realized that im half way to my goal of puking in every single toilet on our floor
There's so much relief when you realize you wake up in your own bed
I think u should go home and go to bed. If u get arrested in the Ohio river u go to jail in Kentucky. Nobody wants to go to jail in KY.
You then showed up downstairs in only a robe, telling everyone how you were "the most chivalristic fratstar ever."
i am an animal i am literally locking myself in my house and not coming out for a week i don't deserve to be in public
Impressive. I've never gotten straight denied and then chased the guy naked out of my own apt. I'll remember that next time.
That moment when you see yourself in a security camera feed and realize you forgot a bra. And pants.
he cancelled our romantic dinner reservations so we could stay home and watch a Rocky movie marathon and order pizza. i know i should be upset but i think i'm kinda in love.
We walked 3 miles to the strip club. Stopped for roadies, it wasn't that bad.
Can I bother you for a second.
You always bother me but go on.
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