Dude, the girl i fucked last night left wearing my high school musical shirt you bought me. she also left her panties here though.
The one with Zac Efrons face on it? You definitely got the short in of the stick. i'd rather have the shirt
fuck. yeah me too. i don't even think these panties would fit me
foreplay: 7 minutes. sex: 3 minutes. cuddling: 10 minutes. getting dressed: 5 minutes. commute: 5 minutes.
She keeps stunt undies in her bag, 2 sizes too small. She leaves them behind so the guy thinks he was luckier than he was...
Just did my hair and make up at mcdonalds so we're in the same boat.
Handcuffed. To. Steering. Wheel. Fuck.
Dreamed I made out with a stranger after falling out of a car, let's make this happen tonight.
After so many times of carrying your puked covered clothes home in a bag on a Tuesday morning, you begin to realize that Fucked Up Mondays aren't a real thing.
I can't. I think his penis is about to take out a restraining order against me.
My addiction to golf is getting out of hand....I just caught myself swinging my dick like a putter while peeing.
I'm pretty sure my liver died in Reno and my intestines are doing hula hoops around my asshole. The bachelor party was that good.
Remember the thing I sent you? "Often complex problems are best solved by thinking like an animal." Hump away!
I just want to dump glitter on my floor and roll in it like a cat in catnip.
I immediately woke up from my nap, made myself a screwdriver and got in the shower. I know it's spring break but I'm still questioning my life choices.
I took a picture of you last night while you were drunk, trying to smoke a bowl through your nose. It's now your contact id.
just showered sitting down cuz standing seemed like too much work, thursdays need to stop making me their bitch.
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