A girl just told me I should smile because I was surrounded by hot girls. I told her that clearly beauty was in the eye of the beholder. And she slapped me!
He kept asking me to take off my bra and I sat up so he could. He fumbled with it for a few minutes and when I sighed and went to undo it he goes, "Yeah, you got this."
sweet and enthusiastic is code for tiny dick.
I bruised his dick. I bruised his dick WITH MY MOUTH!! I've never felt more accomplished.
Johns diaper came in the mail. He's freaking out thinking there's some conspiracy going on since he sharted on the drive home from st. Louis
I received a letter in the mail from my ex equipped with a used condom,dirt, some hair, and a nude portrait of myself.
Obviously you've never slept with someone who was deliverance level inbred.
I blame it on the rum. It keeps jumpng doqn my throst.
Maybe you can hide out somewhere she would never go. Like a counseling center or AA
You threw your body across the gross couple hooking up on the couch and demanded they scratch your back. I love you drunk on peach schnapps
Probably won't be invited back there again considering last time his purebred corgi ate my pot brownie and had to be rushed to the hospital.
We gotta locate my vibrators and get them stashed away STAT
She was all for the threesome til I showed her a pic of my boyfriend. I think I should re-evaluate my life decisions.
I was so high I forgot how to swallow food, and I just kept thinking "thank god its just mashed potatoes, they'll go down eventually"
How’d it go?
I accidentally joined a cult
So not great...
Randomize
