he fingered my asshole thinking it was my vag...I couldn't bring myself to tell him, mostly from shame for me and pity for him
I figured it out. hungover me hates drunk me, drunk me hates sober me, and sober me hates being sober. so yes, were blacking out tonight.
How do I introduce myself to her without coming off as "the guy who jacks-off to her profile pic"?
You dont understand. she was my french AND spanish teacher. that's 2 kinds of freaky. i have to find her on facebook.
Found your pants in the mailbox
What were my pants doing in the mailbox?
I don't know but there's postage on them
Hahahaha you would not believe what I just pulled out of my vagina. Actually you probably wouldn't be surprised.
Looking for the remote in the couch. Finding Adderall beads. Considering utilizing.
I feel like our low point of the night was when we had to start chasing with ice cubes and wheat thins.
Im chasing shots of tequila with chocolate milk right now. by myself. its nasty, but I've had worse in tjere the past couple days, so ill take it.
We just taught the Brazilian how to smoke out of a vuvuzela.
I just realized I'm currently not eating carbs, drinking alcohol or having sex. 2014 is off to a horrible start.
I'm eating shredded cheese and chugging coke, until I can function again. I'm tingling everywhere
If a cop comes up to me I'm whipping out my cock, swinging it around and singing the national anthem
Ive decided to see your threat against my life as you flirting
You fell asleep while I was sucking your dick
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