census says that i am hotter than the girl you just left with...sad for you
You're the only person with a favorite bar in Disneyworld
non applicator tampons are so hard to put in when your drunk. i fingered myself for 10 minutes and forgot what i was trying to do.
The streak lives on, still havent been to Towson without throwing up
Hooked up with my first aid and cpr teacher last night. She dressed as a lifeguard and brought me back to life. Beat that.
Last thing i remember is pounding jager and puking in that nerds george foreman grill. Then i wake up this morning with some random tooth brush in my mouth
I JUST ATE A STRANGE BURRITO, I SHOULD NOT BE EXPECTED TO KNOW ANYTHING RIGHT NOW.
And if it ever comes down to tax or healthcare benefits we can get married
That's the sweetest thing I've ever heard
Somehow I got food poisoning AND alcohol poisoning in the same night. Its like everything I love is trying to kill me. I'm waiting for my tv to make its move.
I wish the guy I was sleeping with wasn't on house arrest.
Tell me why I woke up outside of our hotel room Wearing a cowboy hat and boots in Las Vegas.
10/10 would definitely still fuck you dressed as squirrel
we need to tell them stories about when happens when we're sober so they think they know what they're in for when they're actually completely unprepared for whn happens when we get drunk
Fuck. I did it again. I plugged in my toaster and walked away thinking it needed to preheat. I am dumb.
It was great. We stayed up all night talking about objects he'd put in his theoretical vagina.
Randomize
